Call me AUNTIE

I know many Asians and Indians cringe at the ubiquity and what according to them is the annoying misuse of 'Auntie' and 'Uncle'.

Before you dismiss this as a bad habit, consider this:

In India, your canteen boy is 'anna' (brother). The taxi driver, painter or carpenter is 'bhaiyya' (brother). You are 'baby' to your live-in maid of 25 years who is akin to family, and you call her 'didi' (sister). Your Malayalee colleague is your 'cheta' (brother). You meet people, you immediately strike a relationship with them. To me, the argument, "He is not your uncle, so it is incorrect to call him uncle," while no doubt undisputed in logic, comes from a need to follow a global culture largely driven by a country of fantastic conversationalists. I haven't lived in the US, but many Indians imagine it to be a place where absolute strangers say hello to each other, where you can walk up to a stranger in a bar and have a great conversation. Without making a friend? If that is your picture of America, then it seems to be a country of many strangers hungry for nothing more than conversation. India is a country where people instinctively strike relationships. That is how we are wired. In India we like to give every stranger we meet some standing in our lives.

When western culture and imagery was first streamed to us via satellite TV, we peered with curiosity at Americans who were calling their in-laws by their first names. This is not something alien to Indians alone, but to other Asian countries as well. As kids we have always been told to respect our elders. At traditional Chinese family dinners during festivals, young family members are expected to "wrestle" to win a courtesy match against family elders who will pretend to resist. A Japanese friend invited her boss at work as the guest of honour at her wedding. The Indian Cricket Team dedicated the World Cup win to Sachin. Asians are innately deferential. Calling elders 'Uncle' or 'Auntie' is our way of conferring a 'status' upon a stranger who is senior to us. To call it "incorrect" is to take a very simplistic view of things. We are strikingly different from our western counterparts.

Singaporeans, like most Asians, have a very similar approach to interactions with elders. I moved to Singapore a year ago, and despite its cosmopolitan exterior, it was interesting to find that it takes its 'Auntie-Uncle' culture quite seriously. In a migrant culture increasingly moving towards an expat culture where local flavour is threatened everyday by economic ambition, interactions with the older Aunties and Uncles provide you human connection beyond conversation. Auntie Ng is a sweet hardworking old auntie in charge of housekeeping at the office I used to work before. When I asked her the name of her newly hired assistant, she thought really hard and finally said, "Donno leh. I call Auntie. You oso call Auntie can". Taxi drivers refer to themselves as Taxi Uncle in the third person. "Taxi Unkuh canno' stop here. Taxi Unkuh haf to pay fine," they say.

So next time you are speaking to an Asian elder, don't hesitate to spread the love. Call your Singaporean Taxi driver 'Uncle'. He will feel more fulfilled. Call your watchman in India 'Bhaiyya'. He will take pride in what he is doing. Call your older neighbour 'Auntie'. She will generously dole out the laddoos she prepared last evening. Embrace your Asianness. We outnumber the Americans in any case.

Even the Singapore Government agrees that this institutionalisation is 'Uniquely Singapore' and now promotes the 'Trishaw Uncle' service as a cultural experience.